even if i fucking hate you i won’t send you anon hate because my parents didn’t raise me in the jungle

(Source: wordlesslanguage)

Friend: Do you use Tumblr? It's so funny!

Me: eh...sometimes...I'm not that into it

Friend: Aw I was gonna say follow me! Oh well

Me: Yeah sorry :/

Me: *continues to be a world famous blogger*

Did anyone notice…

jdisapunk:

thesuperjew:

Obama mentions his wife in his victory speech: “…The woman who agreed to marry me 20 years ago”

Romney mentions his wife in his concession speech: “… The woman I chose to marry”

It’s amazing how someone’s views on equality can come out in one simple sentence

still relevant

gelatins:

by day i am just a regular loser, by night i am the same loser only it’s nighttime

collegecutiepie:

sideshowknob:

SO dublin minors won the all ireland football this week (don’t worry if u don’t understand its just a sideline)

and they were all out celebrating

and they found daniel radcliffe in dublin at 4am and invited him to a house party with them

and he…went with them

image

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How to celebrity; A book by Daniel Radcliffe

ratmother:

one time i was laughing with my sister and i said haha hokey pokey is kinda like sex. in out in out shake it all about. and she just looked at me dead in the eyes and ‘you put your right leg in’

(Source: transorochimaru)

thejunglenook:

ballpointpun:

Somewhere a rocket scientist brain surgeon physicist with a knack for economics who wears Velcro shoes is having a stress breakdown.

When I was a professional ballroom dance instructor, one of my coworkers was having a tough time teaching a step to her student. As he gets more frustrated she tells him “it’s ok- you’ll get it- this isn’t rocket science.”
There is an awkward pause as her student stares back at her."No" he agrees, "this isn’t rocket science. That I can do. This is some sadistic step designed specifically to torture rocket scientists.”
And that’s how we found out he worked for NASA.

thejunglenook:

ballpointpun:

Somewhere a rocket scientist brain surgeon physicist with a knack for economics who wears Velcro shoes is having a stress breakdown.

When I was a professional ballroom dance instructor, one of my coworkers was having a tough time teaching a step to her student. As he gets more frustrated she tells him “it’s ok- you’ll get it- this isn’t rocket science.”

There is an awkward pause as her student stares back at her.
"No" he agrees, "this isn’t rocket science. That I can do. This is some sadistic step designed specifically to torture rocket scientists.”

And that’s how we found out he worked for NASA.

(Source: oldresidentdistrict)

live-as-a-teen:

dogepom:

patickstump:

if you shame girls about their breast size i will push you into traffic

"Who’s flat now?"

whos flat now

(Source: patickstump)

wendycorduroy:

ohyeeeahman:

adventureiwillalwaysseek:

orange is the new black solving world problems

I had this exact conversation with my friend and her mom when I was like 14. They still don’t believe me.

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, THEY SPEND THE WHOLE EPISODE TALKING ABOUT THIS BEFORE SOPHIA GIVES THEM A MIRROR AND SEX ED LESSONS

“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so fuck off

(Source: thepretendr)